Baba also feels alone at home sometimes. When we siblings along with mother make jokes and laugh in the kitchen Baba hears from his room and comes to join in the happiness with us. But me or my siblings stop making such funs at then, it might be in a way because of our ‘ respected fear ‘ or being not frank with him. It was also because we didn’t want him to join us as we feel he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve a happy laughing memory with his own children because someday he made us frightened and fearful when he got angry. We just burried it with ‘we do not see you as a person with joy and sharing smile with us’.
We forget that he is not just an ATM card or a home security guard. He has the same care for us as our mother does, the only thing that differs between them is their parts where the father protects us from outside and mother inside and as the softness of inside is remembered more we easily forget the effort of the outside shield.
Well I don’t know if realisation comes from irony or irony is found in the realisation, but it all come to be thought only when I found myself today around in that same situation, me in my room and Baba in his and my other siblings were making some funny gossips with mother. There my little sister was making the plan of the dishes to be made for the 30 days in the holy month of fasting and how many days of it were to be of chicken from market,of home, fish from market, of home, pulao and the few remaining days with only rice and chatni if we don’t have anything special for meal. Due to the heavy rain during the day and a clear weather after it, her plans were so clear to reach my ear that I found myself making a silent laugh with a smile. That’s when I thought of joining the ‘ 30 days package planning’ gossip but just felt of remaining seated in my chair thinking Baba must have heard that as well and smiled. I tried to think of me in those ‘family talks’ like that before and when Baba came to join us I use to stop talking.
So, today I decided to break the wall between our ‘kitchen talks’ group and Baba, so the remaining chatni days can be shared together with him or we might get another chicken day additionally from that ATM card.
In the Search of Purpose 